homesick [this is sappy and I cried the entire way through. and yes, i am feeling sorry for myself. so just bear with me, please]

Gosh, I couldn't explain to you how badly I miss home sometimes. I love being married and living on my own, I really do. But sometimes I just miss the comfort of my mom and dad. It's not like I'm an old lady, I'm only 20 years old, so give me some slack! Sometimes I just want to sit and cry at how much I miss it.

I've had this feeling for a few days now. Nothing is wrong, and no argument between Michael and I have cause this feeling. I was never someone to go out and party, I've always liked being around my family, and I've always liked staying the night in my own bed, in my own house, with my parents upstairs, and the alarm to the house on.

Lately, [I work for my parents] I haven't even wanted to leave work, because I have this fear of something happening to them. The thought of 'growing up' really scares me, and seeing my mom lose her mom in 2008 and my Papa is 93 and has just recently been put in a nursing home.

I can't help but think of all the times at once, and of course I'm crying as I write this.

I feel like as a wife, I am supposed to be one with my husband. And we are supposed to have our own family. But, he isn't close with his family and I don't think he understands sometimes how hard for me it is to not have the comfort of my dad who knows the answer to everything, and can fix anything - or the comfort of my mom who is.. well she's mom.. she knows everything and has every power known to man, right?

But then I feel as if I am letting down Michael if I were to ask my dad a question and not him, or to tell my mom everything.

My dad will always be my hero and my mom will always be my best friend. And I think it took me getting married and not having them all up in my business for me to realize how much I love and appreciate them. But I am so thankful I did before it was too late, you know?

Mom & Dad-
I want you to know I love you more than anything in this world and I will always be your little girl. I couldn't have asked for better people to raise me and I am sure you are the best parents in the world. Thank you for being ALL KNOWING ;) and always letting me know how much you love me. I look forward to work everyday just to see the both of you and I am blessed beyond measure to call myself your daughter. I truly love you with everything inside of me!

I'm sorry I'm not the best wife just yet. I'm not really sure if I will ever be. I don't really know where to begin, but I want you to know I am trying my hardest even though sometimes I know you don't see that. I'm very thankful to have you, and I thank God for giving me you every single day. I'm sorry if I have ever let you down, or made you feel like I wasn't trying. I miss my home and I miss my family, and I know sometimes it's easy for you to see that. I don't regret one bit marrying you at 19, but please bear with me as I learn to make us a family. You know how amazing my parents are! I hope one day to be as good of a wife as you have always dreamed of and more. Love you.


Alex(andra) said...

*hugs* I know exactly how you feel. Pretty much the same situation here. It's hard only seeing my parents and the rest of my family once a month or so, because I'm so close to all of them... And my Michael's not really close to his family either. =( It's hard stuff... Know you're not alone.

Mateya said...

Yeah this is so hard! I feel that way too and we're not even married yet. I am such a homebody and would rather go home and spend time with my parents than go out and drink or party or whatever.

The scariest thing about marriage to me is leaving my dad. I know he is still going to be there for me, but it won't be the same. I have another man in my life now.

It will be a struggle for sure!

whitney said...

the hardest thing for me is still leaving my dad... and we have been married 8 months!

Simply Yours Designs: Cute Blog Designs